Wednesday, November 12, 2008


What's up, people? How's everything going? OK, enough of the small talk; more about me. I'm sore, tired and a little hungry. I just spent the afternoon being poked, prodded and seemingly molested by my friendly physician. I know that sounds grand and all - but it really wasn't. Why is it that whenever you go to the doctor, you have to fill out 50 million different forms about your illnesses? It's kind of invasive, don't you think? Why must they know all that?

I almost flipped out when I saw the depression section.

It had questions like:

Are you depressed? No, but if you diagnose me with something I can't pronounce, I might be.

Do you have suicidal thoughts? See above answer.

Do you have crying sessions? Men don't cry - we aren't allowed to.

I'm not much of a crier myself - never have been. However, when the nurse from hell tried to skewer me with demon needles to bleed me to death, I'll admit, some saline did inadvertently roll down my face (but I ain't no punk or nothin' - that's against the Man Laws).

The Man Laws - the secret set of rules and regulations that men are governed by. You have heard by its other name - THE CODE. It is distinctly against THE CODE for men to showcase any type of emotion - or they will be deemed soft or some other random reference to being less than masculine. It's not really fair but that's the way society has made things.

We are allowed to exhibit 3 types of emotions:

Laughter/Excitement.This is exhibited in our love of sports, cartoons, video games, action movies and random viewings of violence.

Lust/Hunger. It is our duty to enjoy the booty - as well as a good hearty sandwich. No spooning or eating things like Tostitos with a hint of lime.

Anger. Sadness takes a back seat to our good friend, Rage. Why talk things out when you can beat the hell out of someone?

If any other emotions are shown, you are immediately red-flagged and placed on the questionable list. Sensitivity is only good when following rule number 2 - other than that, men have no use for it.

I know you might be thinking I have lost my mind - and I might have; they withdrew a lot of blood... but my point is that it's crazy that we all accept this type of thinking. People have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray into thinking that showing vulnerabilities is a weakness.

Maybe one day it will be OK for tears to flow every now and then. Maybe people will believe that it's not that bad to open up your heart to new experiences. I hope that one day soon it will come to fruition - I think I have an urge to cuddle.

That's my time.

- Mr. Smart Guy

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