Tuesday, July 07, 2009

5 Tips To Help You Cheat....And Get Away With It.

by Kommen Sinse

This has been nagging me for quite a while. Cheating and getting caught. Now I don't condone cheating by any means because I believe in karma. [Only in the area of relationships.] Time after time after time, I see idiots getting caught because they don't use a little common sense. If you're gonna step outside relationship, cool. You may have all the reasons in the world for doing so; none of which I care to hear, but in the end you are still wrong. Hopefully some of these tips will help you get away with it, with your cheatin' heart! become an effective cheater. I got all these tips from females. I've always said they are better at doing this shit than we are.
Tip #1

"If you gonna cheat, find a ho that don't live in the same city. Matter of fact, make sure that bitch is 2 hours away." When my friend told me this, I had to laugh. She broke it down in a way that you had to be there to see it. You take whatever city you live in and get a map. You mark your house on the map as the center point. You figure if ya girl is gonna come look for you she's gonna hop on the interstate cause it'll get her to wherever you may be quicker. If she's pretty predictable when it comes to driving as far as speed that's good. Take the Speed Limit, say in this case the highway speed limit is 60mph. In 2 hours if she maintains that speed, she'll travel 120 miles. That's your mean distance. If she's a 10 over the limit type of person, right there you have 140 miles in 2 hours. That's max distance. Always account for bullshit to happen, so 100 miles in 2 hours is the minimum. Now ring those distances out and there you go. If you're prone to go hang with the boys and be gone for long stretches in a day, the chances of her noticing and caring are minumum. Give her that courtesy call so she feel's special, and keep it moving.

Tip #2

"Sanitize." How many times have you left receipts, phone numbers, etc. in your pockets? That the incriminating evidence out of your pockets. Women go through pockets, because 9 times outta 10, you picked the week to cheat when she feels like doing laundry. What it the enemy of jeans? Ink pens. So women go through our pockets to make sure nothing in out pockets fuck their shit up. Save yourself he trouble by getting rid of it before you get in your car. This includes emails, IM's, and texts. You're kinda screwed on phone calls because those can be printed on the bill.*

*Even if you take it off the paper bill, the numbers still show up online.

Tip #3

"Wash your ass!" This should be self-explanatory. After you have sex just don't wash your dick off in the sink. If the rest of you smells like shit, but your dick smells like roses, what is that gonna tell you girl? It's a lot easier to explain why you smell good, than trying to explain why you only had time to wash your dick. [Sidebar: By following this tip it saved my boy from an almost immediate bust.]

Tip # 4

"Use a condom." You don't want this chick you were creeping with to turn into your baby momma. Also, if she knows you gotta girl, who's to say she ain't doing the same thing you doing? Diseases are out there and the biggest one is pregnancy. Because if you get the creep boo boo preggers....she will definitely become a disease. Save yourself the drama, and wrap it up.

Tip #5

"Keep it short ans sweet." If you are creeping with this girl and do so for an extended amount of time, girlfriend #2 will eventually want to be #1. When she has in her mind that she should be the number one lady in your life, believe she will make her prescence known, and start marking her territory. And when she starts marking territory, she will start doing bolder and bolder things.

"This one dude kept me around so long I though we were married. I got treated like I was his one and only so I figured, that other bitch had to go. I started being more aggressive and keeping him out later and later. Calling his voicemail and leaving messages of me playing with myself. I stepped my shit up." - Anonymous

Now, I'm not saying these tips are foolproof (we all know how a dude can fuck shit up), but they all seem like pretty common sense shit to do if you're gonna be doing wrong. All of these tips were told to me by women, so these are the things they are lookng for. Every last one of these tips were simple steps overlooked by many. Like I said, I don't condone it....but if you're gonna do it. Do it right!

That's my time.

Steve McNair
February 14, 1973 - July 4, 2009
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