Thursday, December 17, 2009

Jingle Jingle!

Happy Thursday, Folks!

It's that time again for the holidays and I've been frantically running around trying to get presents and find money for those items. (Mr. Smart Guy's note: I will strip for cash, checks, food, toys, canned goods, Chick-O-Sticks, Now or Laters and boxes of Ramen Noodles... times are hard).

It's the time of year where you see a lot of crazy things - all due to the holiday spirits.

I've seen fathers bickering over truck sets; a woman slap another woman upside the head over stealing her parking place and countless droves of people sit in wall-to-wall traffic trying to get to the mall to spend their hard-earned cash.

It just makes you pine for the light-hearted times of the holidays... especially one in a particular from a few years back.

(insert harp and flickering screen)

It was the evening of our company's holiday party.

I was dreading the thought of going; especially because it's one of those occasions where you have to be sociable --- and schmooze with people you might not even talk to on a regular basis. You know those people --- the people that you're not all that cool with but pretend that you are so you won't seem so shallow but in all and all you are a little bit but really you don't want them knowing that so you end up having a 20 minute conversation about the weather, Tiger Woods, Disney's new Black princess movie, how good the mediocre food is and what you plan on doing for the holidays, etc.

This is usually the time where I fade into the abyss of my mind and start playing the Stu song from Hangover in my head.

To soften the blow of it all, I found that there were two bars with no limit on the beverages, so of course, I was really happy about that. Now before you go thinking I'm a lush, I decided not to drink at the party. I generally decline drinking in front of my co-workers because I want to maintain my professionalism at all times. I bet you're wondering if I didn't drink, why was I happy then?I was happy because I knew I was about to be entertained by all the OTHER folks that were going to enjoy the hospitality. I was not disappointed.

One lady started a conga line with no music and told one of my fellow ethnic co-workers to shimmy with her as she knew HE had rhythm.

Another lady started kissing everyone on the cheek and whispering that she hoped that they had mistletoe waistbands.

After shrieking with laughter, I made my way to the balcony to observe everything else from a higher vantage point and chat a bit with some other co-workers. 'Round 'bout (yeah, I said round bout - so what?) this time, more people came flocking and the temperature rose about what seemed like 15 degrees and I had on a very heavy sweater. I'm starting to sweat like I stole something... but yet I can't leave because I'm in the midst of a conversation.

As I'm plotting my way out of this social desert, I see a guy from another department (we'll call him Chuck for the moment) heading in my direction. I don't really know him so I decide to not speak as to not mess up what I thought his name was. He brings his spouse over to the people I'm chatting with and I look away hoping to avoid introduction. Greetings are exchanged and I'm looking away as I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's Chuck's girl (known as CG).

CG: Um. Who are you?
Me: I'm me. Who are you? (thinking to myself: I hate my life/why is she still talking to me/did I love the thermostat on)
Chuck: Oh, hey. I'm Chuck and this is my (insert whatever title he gave, I think it was wife)...
Me: It's nice to meet you both. My name is Mr. Smart Guy...
CG: How are you doing? (extending hand while sipping wine with the other)
Me: I'm hot... but other than that, I'm good. How about you?
CG: You ARE hot. (placing hand on chest)
Me (flabbergasted; thinking): Did she just say what I thought she said? Naw, she ain't said that...
Me: Um, it's (*voice cracking*) warm in here.
Chuck: It is warm in here. (heads to bar)
CG: (turns to go to bar with him)
Me: It was nice meeting you.
CG (hiccups): It was REALLY nice meeting you. The pleasure was all mine.

Needless to say, that was a bit awkward - but alls well when you're TOASTY!

That's my two cents. Feel free to insert some holiday craziness of your own.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever you celebrate).

Enjoy the rest of the year to the fullest!

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