Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Bootleg Hitch Chronicles, Vol. 3: Look At The Signs.

"Oh girl, I love how protective he is of me..."
"It's so cute how he plays video games with my son..."
"I ain't ever seen a teacher wearing GUCCI, but she was SO fine on our date the other night..."
"Yeah, she say she won't go down on a guy unless it's her husband, and I'm cool with that..."

Ahhhh, the things we say when we first start dating somebody. Isn't it wonderful when you meet someone who is not only interesting but interested in you? The butterflies, text messages, instant messages, the ubiquitous self portrait/phone pic, the nights on the phone with one hand on the handset and the other in your boxers (not that I've ever done that... but anyways). The budding of a new relationship is undoubtedly one of the most dynamic feelings one can experience. It makes men who can't spell write poetry and women who can't cook whip up a three course meal. It makes men manscape and women endure Brazilian waxes. Apartments are cleaned, cars are washed, clothes get sent to the cleaners, shoes get shined, tables are dusted, floors are vacuumed, and teeth finally get flossed. All of this in the name of the pursuit of happiness. Many a man and woman have participated in this ritual, and some actually come out of it with a long term relationship, maybe even marriage.

It is in this pursuit that the greatest mistake of any relationship is made. Time and again, both sexes make this mistake early and pay for it dearly later. It causes the following things to be said much later in a relationship.

"This b-----d is always playing Madden"
"WTF?! Why is my credit card maxed out?!?!?!"
"I tell you what, if she won't do it, somebody else will"

You wanna know why he's knocking your teeth out?
Why she making you take out a title loan to pay the rent?
Why he's always on the Xbox talking on that rackafrackin headset? *
Why she won't treat you to a session of psychotherapy?

Because they told you they were going to do it, that's why. Oh, they may not have come out and said it straight out, but believe this, THE SIGNS ARE ALWAYS THERE.


If you look back on any problems you had with significant others in relationships, you can trace it back to some action or belief that was evident if you would have paid attention. The problem was that your nose was so wide open it obscured your vision.

The mistake... willful ignorance. And we all are guilty. Urban dictionary defines ignorance as 'a blindfolded man sitting in broad daylight saying "I love the dark" and swatting anyone who tries to take the damned thing off'. More accurately, it defines it as "the most dangerous thing in the world". Ignorance isn't bliss, it's just ignorance, plain and simple.

Next time you are in the midst of a great honeymoon phase, take a break and pay attention to what's really going on. It may save you a trip to dentist or some Ms. Palmer loving you never thought you would need.

Anyways, I'm out till the next time.

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