Monday, January 30, 2006

The My-T Wingman.

As I talked about in our last get-together, I kicked with my homeboy/brotha from anotha motha, Zero K this past weekend. Zero came up intent on getting me “ready” for my journey towards “grown-man-dom” (also known as gaining maturity) when I turn 25 on Tuesday. Needless to say, I was excited about the weekend ahead of me. Zero arrived Friday afternoon and we kicked it at “Club” Chili’s (also known as the only viable hang-out in the ‘Ville on Fridays). We drank for a while, talked about my new grown grown man status and tried to decide on a destination for the night. We settled on a nearby club that catered to the sexy 25 and up set (a real-life club, with dress restrictions like no white tees and/or grills). While coming upon this solution, Zero confided that he’d give me the best birthday present of all, for the night, he’d be my “wingman. (And please, don't be offended - sometimes the wingman IS a woman, but for my own sanity, I’m writing from my own skewed point-of-view.)

Ah, yes - the legendary wingman. The man who "takes one for the team," "jumps on the grenade," and generally keeps someone else occupied while you're "engaging the primary target." Now, the secondary target isn't always a prize. Sometimes, they're downright scary.

You know who they are.

  • The "friend that drove us here."
  • The "we have to leave now" or "we have to get up early" woman.
  • The "if you think you're going home with her, you're sadly mistaken" friend.
  • The "HELLO? We're having a ladies' night out here" woman.

I'm sure you get the idea. Usually, it's some young lady who you could care less about, but she has to be distracted so someone can talk to her friend.

This feeds into my long-standing theory that attractive people seek out ugly friends, to make themselves feel even more attractive. This is how the attractive individuals then become the leaders of these little groups. But they also use the not-as-attractive friends as human shields, practically shouting: "If you want me, you'll have to find matches for my posse of “[insert random animal(s) here]."

Enter the wingman (Zero).

We ran into a few friends of Zero’s while finalizing our plans and wanted to join us in the expedition to the “real” club. They seemed to be very nice young ladies except one happened to be a bit more eye-catching (also known as a dime) than the other. We enter the club and it is packed – wall to wall people, so we decided as a group to stay together. Zero, assuming his “wingman” responsibilities, made the decision to bite the bullet and engage contact with the other young lady (the nickel). He decided to use his own patented wingman technique (techniques vary across different wingmen and different regions – to quote the theme song for Different Strokes, what might be right for you, may not be right for some…).

Zero’s first technique at the club is known as isolation. In using the isolation technique, the wingman (Zero) may isolate the target (the dime) by asking her friend (the nickel) to accompany him somewhere else, such as the dance floor, salad bar, restroom, etc. This move will leave the pilot (in this situation, me) alone to work his magic on the dime. [This technique is derived from predator-prey interactions in the African savannah (and hoods across America)]. However, the nickel proved to be a worthy adversary (as she had decided that she wanted to become the target) and Zero had to resort to the next step, distraction. In using the distraction technique, the wingman (Zero) may engage women who are interested in pursuing his pilot (me), thus allowing the pilot free reign to pursue his own target (the dime). In this way, he serves as a protective shield around his pilot. Alas, this was a complete and utter failure, as the nickel was determined to get her some Sexual Chocolate (yours truly – gulp!)

Although this mission had to be aborted [Man down, pimp in distress, mayday, mayday…], due to interference by some loose change – my wingman should be lauded for efforts and diving onto several grenades for me. [Kind of feels like what’s going on overseas….but that’s a whole ‘nother topic…]

Here’s to you, Zero K – the mighty wingman. Drinks are on me!

P.S. Before I forget, I’ve been reading other blogs while trying to write this one… check them out and remember to speak, cuz’ closed mouths don’t get fed.

Brittastic – the first lady of speak. the phenomenon:

Pimp Hand Strong


Canela Blue

Miss Whitney™ (MySpace)

Kamilah (MySpace)

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