Tuesday, April 04, 2006

just not enough...

What's goin' on, people? I'm back in the 'Ville... please hold your applause until the end of the story. First of all, I'd like to thank everybody who sent suggestions about movies to watch during my stay. They were great... well, the ones I watched while waiting for pages to load... damn dial-up. I think I'll finish some of them this weekend… after I can get over losing my damn hour – freakin’ Daylight Savings….

While I was in the Windy City, I saw a lot happening. I saw a girl gang almost come to blows on my corner (they even scared the cops away… guess it was the estrogen flaring that chased them away),

guys in various colored suits with matching gators (and no, they weren’t carrying around pimp cups with their names on them).

I saw cars riding around with the Denver boot on them,

children parenting other children, and lots of food that was high in cholesterol (like a gyro with two burgers underneath topped with a halved Polish sausage – yum!)

As entertaining as that all sounds, there's a much more pressing matter I'd like to discuss about my small homecoming...

Unfortunately, much to my dismay, I found out the harsh reality: just because I'm on vacation; it doesn't mean everybody else has to join me! I ended up spending a lot of time with family, upsetting a good friend and weathering a terrible lightning storm/tornado. Needless to say, I'm excited to return to the Music City from my quasi-vacation. During the trip home in this semi-typhoon, (Please tell me you all heard about those crazy storms blanketing the Midwest this weekend! You almost lost the kid.... but don't worry - I'm a soldier). So... all my near-death activities caused me
to reflect on some things… it’s surreal how conscious you can be when you are in the middle of dark, swirling clouds with hail raining down around you.

It occurred to me that no matter how hard you try, you cannot please everyone. During the majority of my visits home, I always encounter some person, letting me know how I’ve neglected them. How come you didn’t come to see me? You never spend no time with me… always out running the streets until the break of dawn.

Do you know how hard it is to see everyone in 3 or 4 days with no transportation? It’s like trying to read War and Peace in 20 minutes… or writing a 25 page term paper in an hour because it’s due in the morning? (It can be done – and well… but that’s beside the point…) When you do stuff like that, someone always draws the short end of the stick… whether it is family, friends or other random people that you weren’t going to see anyway.

Let’s face it… many people are susceptible to bouts with flakiness. I, for one, should bathe in Head & Shoulders sometimes for things that I’ve done in the past but I’m willing to accept that fact about myself; but I also try hard to give pleasure to others, while pushing my feelings to the side.

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try – it’s just not enough for everyone? I always feel as if I am being pulled in several different directions, and I don’t want to hurt anyone (
OK, maybe cousin K.K., but she deserves it for always eye-balling me like that). I would like to extend a humble apology to anyone whom I’ve blown off in the years that I’ve been gone from Chicago… if I had more time, I definitely would spent time with you… then again I might’ve driven myself insane from seeing the people walk around the house in their Fruit of Looms for more than a week.

Despite my limitations, I always intend on taking care of my people – but sometimes I just fall short. Coming to grips with that is my ongoing struggle but for those that can’t understand, leave me the hell alone… because I have to take care of me first. I end this rant with the following questions: Do you feel like you have to please people? If so, how do you feel when you fall short? If not, how are you able to deal with those that you’ve shunned?

That’s my time… back again on Thursday.

- Jorge
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