In the midst of doing my daily routine the other day, (which consists of waking up, breathing, administering hygiene to my self, doing paperwork, reading blogs on MySpace/Blogger and responding to some random comment/note and eating) I came across something on Brittastic's blog that sparked my interest. Britt talked about being a “serial monogamist”, in which she had long-term relationships, one after another.
According to the Urban Dictionary, the definition of a “serial monogamist” is “one who spends as little time as possible being single, moving from the end of one relationship to the beginning of a new relationship as quickly as possible.” The defining aspect of serial monogamy is the desire and ability to enter new relationships very quickly, thus abbreviating any period of single life. I guess this sums up what I used to do to a T.
To be honest, I’m the type of person who loves the idea of being loved. Who doesn’t love being loved? As a man, I am programmed for love by carrying out the chase.
The chase involves the intrinsic nature of wooing someone, wearing them down with various advances until they echo the interest that is shown to them. Following the chase and capture of my new boo, we enjoy the part of the courtship known as the newness.
Ahh, the newness; the time in which there are virtually no flaws with your companion. Everything seems great... you walk with a bounce in your step, food tastes better and days seem sunnier. Five-hour phone conversations are too short, their residence is immaculate, every joke they tell is hilarious and they control all of the bodily functions around you. Life is good… until you hit the end of the trial period.
Everyone knows that when you purchase something, there is a limited amount of time you can return it from where it came (i.e. the aforementioned trial period). After that time is up - you are stuck with it, buddy. The same thing seems to occur in relationships.
The dude/chick that stole your heart in the beginning senses the trial period is over – and allows Mr. or Miss Hyde (not to be confused with the lovable Dr. Jekyll) – to emerge.
Needless to say, the object of your affection has quickly fallen down a few levels.
Almost immediately, you guys start arguing incessantly, finding faults in the smallest of things and contemplating why you decided to even begin a relationship… so you end it… and sulk about being lonely… until you meet the new Mr. or Miss Right and you start the vicious cycle - all over again.
Why does this happen? Differences in personalities, beliefs, religions, Kool-Aid flavors… the list is endless. Most of the time, it might be incompatibility. However, I think that there are three distinctive “serial monogamists” that can sometimes sabotage their situations:
The Hunter: the person who loves the pursuit and capture of their prey.
The Co-Dependent: the person who just can’t stand being single.
You know Sheryl, the chick who was dating Will for a year, only to break up with Will for Jake, who she dumped three months later because she likes Tony, who she then dumped after six months because she has a new crush on Mike… I think she likes me…
The Neurotic Worrier: the person who gets so worked up about something going wrong in a relationship, they actually begin to believe it.
Personally, I became afflicted with this condition at an early age. Back then, I was happy that girls even spoke to me, let alone get involved with me. The ladies weren’t exactly running down the kid in his beat-up Pro-Wings and with hand-me-down corduroys… Eventually I grew up, gained some confidence - but I never really shook the feeling that I needed to be with someone... and I carried that with me from relationship to relationship. To this day, Mama Sharon doesn’t want to get close to anyone I’m involved with “for fear that I will steal them away from her”.
Understand that the type of thinking I was doing was not healthy. Fortunately (at least for me), I’ve got a few family members who’ve scared that notion of “independent” living right out of me. Constantly needing the affection (and attention) of someone else, whether consciously or subconsciously, can shatter a person’s independent self-image. An incessant fear of being alone can be quite overwhelming. On the other hand, no one wants to be the old lady with 20 cats, singing Donny Hathaway songs to the mailbox or the old man on the couch in tattered tightie-whities, looking over his antique collection of bottle caps.
With that being said, take a chance… allow yourself to enjoy the moment with that special someone. They might just be The One (or the one will make you appreciate The One when you eventually find them).
That’s my time. Have a good weekend!