Wednesday, March 18, 2009

We Cain't Be Friends [and yes, that does say cain't...][classic]

Welcome back, everybody. I hope all is good with you. With that being said, now we can get down to business...

The other day I was embroiled in a conversation about miscellaneous things. Me being me, I tried my best to sound intelligent and witty as possible and I largely succeeded - well, except for when I thought people were lying when they said Pluto wasn't a planet anymore. Who just gets rid of a planet? Sorry for digressing - I'm back on track now...

Two of my friends kept co-signing [for the slang uneducated: arguing my points] against me and from the looks of things; they looked awfully friendly to each other during the process. I confronted them about their touchy-feely stances and playful gazes at each other and asked what was up between the two of them. They were looking like this:

They in turn responded that they were just friends.

I must have looked them as if they were trying to sell an Eskimo a fan in the middle of the winter.

Just friends?!!

Men and women can't be just friends.

In my world, it's just not possible to me. Go sell crazy elsewhere, I'm all filled up here. Chances are if you're one of my female friends, I've probably checked you out on several occasions and quite possibly thought about you nude... but then again, I'm a dude. I think about sex a lot.

However, there are some exceptions to that rule. I have developed my own advanced theory about the whole situation and I know you're dying to hear about it. OK, maybe not.

If you'd like to hear it, here it goes...

Men and women cannot be friends unless:

A) you've dated one of their friends.
As many of you already know, I have an unwritten rule that adhere to and I expect my friends to the same: If I've dated her, you shouldn't.

B) they were in a relationship when you met them or they were/are just getting out of one.
This usually involves like "I wish I had met you first" or something referring to bad timing and fidelity - however this rule is usually the one that is broken the quickest.

C) they live an "alternative lifestyle.
Charlie won't be able to like you if he likes Dick...

D) you were never attracted to them.
I think that one speaks for itself.
Who wants to be walking around with a shim?!!

I know some of you are probably popping your necks, rolling your eyes and snapping your fingers to my theory, especially the ladies. You're probably thinking that you have a lot of male friends and this doesn't fit you. It may not, but chances are - I'm right on the money.

A lot of times guys want to do a lot more than sit and listen to you wax poetic about your thoughts about what happened on [insert stupid award TV show] or help you screw off jars in the kitchen, (he'd probably rather be screwing you in the kitchen) but you may not want that in return and he wants your pretty face/frame in his life so he deals with it and makes the horrific plunge into the friend zone.

With all of that being said, wouldn't it make sense to date your friend if you were attracted to them, they were unattached, never dated anyone your friends (or vice versa), and you guys got along great?

That sounds just too much like right for the kid... but hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. What are your thoughts about this? Do you believe males and females can be just friends? Let me know.

That's my two cents... and my time.
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