Cunning Linguist.

I'm feeling good, folks. The sun is shining, my belly is full and it's homecoming week! I'm feeling so good that I decided to stop and spread some of my happiness. OK, now that's out of my system - let's get down to the get-down.

The other day, I had a conversation with a lady friend of mine. She was telling me about how her random male friends (and associates) have been asking her if they could go ahead and experience Summer's Eve in the Bermuda Triangle. (For those of you who may not know what the funk I'm speaking of, they would like to administer oral sex on her.) She's puzzled as to why they keep asking AND why they ALL tell her that they don't need any type of reciprocation.

Being a giving soul, I had to break down the knowledge to her. She was being bamboozled, led astray, run amok by these gentlemen of leisure. They possessed the information that most men know and tried to use against her vulnerable loins. What is that information you might ask? I'll tell you what it is...

Head is the gateway drug for sex.

Take a minute.  

Let it marinate.

OK, now that you've tossed that around your brain, let me learn you a lil' sumthin' sumthin'.

In my extensive research of after-school specials, I've stumbled upon the fact that marijuana is usually the first drug that people try when experimenting with drugs. It seems to be the safest way into things (otherwise known as the gateway), offering a safe and pleasurable "high". Some are kids are curious about it; others feel compelled to do it because "other folks" are and they are some who just plain shy away from it. 

Those who do try it may not like it, but the ones who do come scampering back for another "taste"; another feeling of that high. You see, once one gets more addicted to marijuana, the highs can seem a little high - so some might try something else to get that enhanced feeling of euphoria back; which leads to harder drugs and even more unstable reactions/feelings.

The same can be said for oral sex.

I know when I was younger, I was downright scared of it.

• "Why does it look like that?"
• "It's so ugly!"
• "I came out of that?!!!"

My boys ridiculed the guys who even discussed taking that journey to the Southern states.

• "You wanna do what?"
• "Dude, that's nasty..."

Although I was horrified by the outcome of what happened with the ugly stuff, I was still curious about things. I began to watch the not-so-secret stash of porn hidden the basement of our home, watching the actors and sometimes actresses, lick that area like they were in an ice-cream eating contest. The women squirmed around like they couldn't stand the torture that was being administered to them yet they couldn't break away from the shackles of the tongue. It seemed as if they were intoxicated by the goings-on between their legs.

Intoxication? But she wasn't even drinking!  

That seems a lot like how a weed-head after catching their high...

Come to find out, that these ladies enjoyed their "special attention" and in fact, wanted it more and more... they even screamed for it! One lady demanded that the man whom was licking stop and ordered him to "enter her "house of pleasure".

House of Pleasure? Can I go there? 

Oral sex wasn't enough, the woman needed penetration!

That's when I knew. 

That's when most folks know. 

You can't just stop at head.

You want to feel another euphoric feeling and have that warmth wash over you like a steaming, hot shower after a long, grueling day. Stopping with just head is like going to a buffet and only eating one plate. 

That's why we have such an obese society now but that's a story for another day...

In closing, I leave this message for my friend: please realize that these pirates are not after the boat, but after all the booty. Nothing in life is free, and these guys have mastered the thought that you have to give before you can receive... 

That's my time.

- Mr. Smart Guy.