I originally got this blog idea from Britt's blog where she talked about her man getting an unexpected phone call at a questionable time of the day. Her main reaction to this was to get jealous (and then she cussed me out for taking his side).
Have you ever been jealous? (It's a rhetorical question.) Don't shake your head like that, because you know you have. Everybody has. Why? Because at least once in everyone's life, somebody else has something they want, but can't have. And that's OK. It's human nature. Not the prettiest side of human nature, but natural nonetheless.
"I wish I had one of them new Maximas that n***** Tron got."
"I wish I had a job that easy, all he do is sit, write long-ass blogs all day and get that paper."
"How come HE got the new Jordan's and I'm stuck with these damn Pro-Wings?"
All of those are okay though, they're apart of completely, rational, even healthy kind of jealousy.
Then, there's the other kind of jealousy. The deep-seeded kind that leaves you sitting in your car in the Super Wal-Mart parking lot, waiting to see if he or she is hugged up with someone other than you; the bastard child of those green-eyed monsters, envy and contempt. The kind that has you checking their text messages and timing them to see what time they make in from work (I know it only takes that nucca 20 minutes to get home from UPS, he's probably sexing up some ol' heifer); the scary, dramatic after-school special kind. Of course, it's irrational and it's definitely stupid but that kind of jealousy is more difficult to avoid than a bum at a Tiger Mart.
It happens to everyone.
It's funny, too - love can bring out the best in a person. However, the moment your mind begins to suspect that he or she might be sowing their oats elsewhere, it's on and poppin', Joe...
Hot damn, here we go again - the “dramedy” that is about to unfold....
Let's see why how things take a turn for the worse:
The Beginning: You finally emerge (somewhat unscathed) from the always confusing, sometimes amusing single life into a viable relationship. You gots yo'self a boo now (bet nobody talk bad about my baby). Everything is great and your relationship is now more valuable to you than a full order of Harold's chicken [with Mild Sauce] after being in the ‘Ville for a year (it's hard as hell to get good food down here). Things start to get fuzzy when instead of nurturing what you have and planting the seeds for a promising future, you immediately start worrying about every
Let's face it; people have always been this way, instead of appreciating what you have you go expecting things to mess up. I think selfishness is in the genes. My brother and I would be territorial over everything. “That's my game!” “That's my shirt.” Hell, half of the time, we didn't even want it - we just wanted it because the other person had it... but I digress. This pattern of life has set us up for failure. When you're a kid, it's bullies and siblings. As an adult, it's still bullies, siblings, and also women with nice bodies and guys with "good" hair and good jobs. It's a self-esteem thing, too. Part of you doesn't feel worthy enough to have him or her, so you practically EXPECT someone to take them away.
Then, you panic.
Feel how things are starting to shift?
It gets really dumb, too. She's not allowed to have male friends. He's listening in on the other line. She's sniffing the sheets and counting the condoms. Pretty soon, she can't even tip the waiter at Red Lobster because you'll start screaming that he was eye-balling her. It can really get out of hand.
Let's take a step back though: What ever happened to trust? Don't you love this person? How can you care someone that you don't trust? Don't look at me like that. Hell, I don't know, either. I'll admit it. Part of me loves it when other guys look at who I'm with. I'm like, "Yeah, that's all me right there!". However, the other, angry, fanatical former athlete part of me wants to beat the hell out of them like they were KKK members in the middle of a Too Live Crew concert. I can't explain it really - I'm not insecure (most of the time). I'm trusting (if it's earned) and I know I'm a good guy. I know that if I have someone, no one else stands a chance (I take care of home - preach!). And even as dumb and conceited as the leering jerks act, they know it, too. But deep down, there's the short, fat kid (with a definite C cup) who was left in the wind by his middle-school crush (let me tell you, he's still bitter about that).
If you've been cheated on before, it can be difficult to understand why, and most times, it comes as a complete utter shock to you. Beyond being pissed-off and full of spite, you're flat-out embarrassed. You vow to never be played like the fool again. It's hard to trust after something like that. A lot of time, it's not because you don't trust your significant other. You don't trust the world, which eventually sets you up to become the jealous partner that you are now.
With that being said, I want to help you (hell, I want to help me) develop more lasting, positive relationships. I mean, the potential is there (it has to be or else you wouldn't have been interested in the other person to begin with).
No woman wants a husband who beats up every delivery guy that comes to the house. And no man wants a wife who all the women at his office are afraid of (“that bitch is crazy, she told me she would cut me if she saw me lookin' in his direction”). If you're that dude or that chick, eventually all you'll have to worry about is why your current became your ex.
Yeah, too much jealousy can be a one-way ticket to back to the Single Life. It happens to everyone (from lovers & friends, maybe even that old buck fuddy of yours). Cherish what you have while you have it and you won't be crying, singing Toni Braxton songs in the street...
I'm out like booty buttcheeks in a thong... that's my two cents.
Let me know how you feel...
Have a good weekend!
- Mr. Smart Guy