Thursday, June 04, 2009

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em.

This particular piece was written awhile back but it definitely still fits after traveling to Rock Hill, SC to see two dear friends tie the knot. Read, enjoy and be merry. - G

I'm exhausted.



I've driven over 400 miles, spent hundreds of dollars, practiced the same routines religiously and smiled so much that I'm starting to resemble the Joker.

Why you might ask?

Friendship and obligation.

I've been a part of 2 weddings in the last 3 weeks.

Both went well enough as neither one of my boys ran from the altar... and no one was physically harmed in the process (but there were a couple of close calls though - especially during the bouquet toss... yikes!)

All in all, I'm ecstatic for them. Just knowing that they are happy with their new brides is wonderful for me and I'm glad that I was a part of both experiences. During both ceremonies, I scanned the altar, looking at the faces that stood with me - particularly my fellow groomsmen. Many were close friends - friends who grew with me as we matriculated through school; enduring all life's trials and tribulations.

What the feezy?

These can't be the same dudes that used to hang out beside me and tell tales of sordid debauchery with somebody's supple (and inviting) daughter(s)!!! These are the same dudes who would bristle at the mere thought of dating exclusively.

Now they were sporting rings and/or strong relationships.

This can't be life.

It's kinda like they were all apart of this exclusive fraternity - and most weren't trying to become members.

But alas, here they were - most with their significant others - and me, alone with my thoughts (which can be a dangerous thing at times).

As I drifted off into thought after my 6th glass of wine, I decided that I was going to get up, stop humping the carpet into submission and head straight to the bathroom to pee.

Whew, that felt great... but I digress.

After emptying my bladder and clearing my head, I realized that I was approaching this thing all wrong. In today's day and age, women are no longer taking up housework as their general occupation and often ascend to roles in corporate America. Gone are the days of laying on the couch, eating Bon Bons and watching the newest soap opera. Now it's Starbucks lattes, leafy salads and watching the bottom line.

These women are generally working 40-50 hour weeks and don't have the time to raise a family the way their mothers did back in the day. Now, women might neglect trying to start a relationship for fear they won't have the time to deal with it.

Here's where I come in.

I have decided to submit my application to take over the woman's old role of house wife.

I'll be a house husband or as I like to refer to it - a housband.

I'll help you make the kids - even practice a lot with you if you're not ready to let go of your ovaries.

I'll keep everything clean (or at least lay in one spot so that I don't dirty up the clean areas).

I'll make you the finest grilled cheese money can buy - and if you're lucky - SPAM Surprise! Oh, yeah, can I borrow some money for groceries?

I'll iron, wash clothes, scrub the floors and make the beds - or at least ask my mama to do it...


I'm ready when you are. Just hit me in the inbox.

That's my two cents - but before you go - tell me your thoughts on being single; being married or being in a situation where the gender roles are switched.

Mr. Smart Guy
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