Long time, no write - I guess. I've been a bit busy lately so I apologize for not coming through sooner. I hope all has been good with you... but that's enough small talk - let's get to it. The other day, I received a call from a former
It seems that I somehow ended up in a cycle of playing the part of boyfriend yet never truly accepting the role for various reasons. I can't explain what caused this in me (OK, I can but I can't divulge ALL the personal right now LOL) but what I have seen is that I'm not the only one. A lot of people today do this. They disguise it by hiding behind terms like "kickin' it" and "we're cool", knowing good and well if their "friend" was caught being "cordial" with somebody else, they'd be ready to go all Jazmine Sullivan on a knee grow, bustin' windows out of cars and whatnot.
(Smart Guy Sidebar: Why bust the windows? Cain't y'all just hug it out something? I mean, a scathing e-mail might work too...
Sorry I've digressed - back to the lecture at hand.
These things definitely can lead to sticky situations (
The best I can assess is that people get comfortable and don't want to shake things up. I can honestly say that old adage "why buy the milk when you can get the milk free" rings true in a lot of situations. I mean, if you interact like a couple (i.e. co-habitate in each other's nether regions, come up with sappy nicknames or other sucrose inflected terms of endearment or place one another on speed dial); more than likely, you'll begin to believe that you are a couple.
Except you're not.
It's like being at a job for a good amount of time. You plug away diligently at your daily tasks, idly biding your time until the position you REALLY want, opens up. Your boss sees how great you are at doing what you're doing and expands your role. You begin to think to yourself - I'm about to achieve my goals, my dreams, I'm gonna make it!
[insert jazz hands]
Then reality hits. Your boss tells you that promotion isn't exactly an option right now and they can't pay you more but the company has noticed what a fine job you've done with the additional work so you get a solid pat on the back.
Your thoughts probably are: Eff yo praise. I want a raise.
Problem is, it's a recession so you can't just afford to quit a job for all intensive purposes, you actually like the majority of the time - so you stick around accruing back pats and other nominal fringe benefits, like
People do the same thing in these quasi-relationships.
You hear the excuses all the time:
"Gurl, he love me. I know it's been 3 years. He just ain't ready yet."
"Dude, I don't care if her Myspace/Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn/Friendster/BlackPlanet accounts say she single. That's me right there, pa'tna."
Hopefully, they'll get their stamp of approval before they decide to go postal.
That's my two cents.
Before you go, let me know about how you feel about titles. Do they really matter within a relationship?
While you're at it, feel free to vote for your favorite Mr. Smart Guy (if you feel so inclined) in the 2009 Black Weblog Awards. I have been selected as finalist for 2 awards: Best Blog Design and Best Humor Blog...
I'm truly honored to be selected and I thank each and every person who looked out.
Click on the picture to vote!