What's up, folks? It's been a minute. OK, it's been longer than Amistad but I'm back and – exhausted. I’m rambling – so let me get to the point of today’s blog. The other day, I was entrenched in a deep conversation with a friend of mine, SpottieOttieDopalicious.
Spottie is the type of guy who always gets wrapped in the person he’s with. He always thinks she could be Miss Dopalicious. It can be a pain talking to him… but like the dutiful friend I am, I listen. So, anyway, like clockwork, Spottie starts talking about how great his girl was:
Man, I luhvs dat gul… she is one cup of Grade A wonderful… she can burn in the kitchen… she cleans up – in a wife beater, boy shorts & stilettos… did I mention she was a freak? I luhvs her, man… I think I wanna marry her…
After his rambling (on and on – I think it was some hours) about the greatness of his phenomenal woman, he drops this bomb on me.
Man, if she is cheating on me, I don’t wanna know…
After dropping that bombshell he sounded like Charlie Brown to me (whompwhompwhomp-whompwhompwhomp); mainly because I’m still focusing on what he just told me.
I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you’re creepin’, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
- Mario Winans
That song immediately popped into my head as Spottie was spitting his nonsense.
You don’t want to know?!!! What kind of BS is that?
[I think I almost bust a blood vessel from being so incredulous about him being so love-drunk and oblivious]
You’re investing time, effort and energy into someone and you don’t want to know?!
If you find a condom in the house (and you’re allergic to latex), you don’t wanna know how that got there?
Ladies, what if you find some panties in the house that ain’t yours, you don’t wanna know?
I can see the scene now:
Girl: that nucca is always losing stuff… he'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to his head.
Wait a minute!!!! Nucca, whose panties are these?
Guy: I don’t know… they ain’t yours?!!!
Girl: Naw, nuh uh - I wear a 8 and these are a 4 - whose are these?!!
Guy: I told you I don't know!
Girl (thinking to self): Maybe they are mine...
Think about it – do you want to one day be blindsided by an admission of infidelity?
Yes, I f----d her… I f----d her… is that you want to hear, yes, I f----d her…but I make love to you…
I’ve heard stories of people getting caught red-handed, leaving their beaus with the “it wasn’t me” story.
Is it that hard out here for a pimp?
People, you are more than capable of landing someone that is focused on you, not you, me and her.
I don’t care she has some bomb-azz p***y or if he can lay pipe like a plumber… it’s not worth it if they are sharing their services with other consumers.
Tell me - I want to know – everything. Educate me… hell, let me know and then let me go so that I can roll in piece. Close your nose and open up your eyes and ears, I promise you’ll benefit in the long run. If you ever have to question your relationship or your partner's loyalty, then something just ain't right. Follow your instinct. Your intuition will guide you. There is a reason why you're feeling like this. Get out before the funk hits the fan and you're a part of Trapped in the Closet, Pt. 74: Hot Grits and Bacon Grease. Let me know if you're feelin' me or if I'm way off-base.
I'm out - see y’all on Monday…
Spottie is the type of guy who always gets wrapped in the person he’s with. He always thinks she could be Miss Dopalicious. It can be a pain talking to him… but like the dutiful friend I am, I listen. So, anyway, like clockwork, Spottie starts talking about how great his girl was:
Man, I luhvs dat gul… she is one cup of Grade A wonderful… she can burn in the kitchen… she cleans up – in a wife beater, boy shorts & stilettos… did I mention she was a freak? I luhvs her, man… I think I wanna marry her…
After his rambling (on and on – I think it was some hours) about the greatness of his phenomenal woman, he drops this bomb on me.
Man, if she is cheating on me, I don’t wanna know…
After dropping that bombshell he sounded like Charlie Brown to me (whompwhompwhomp-whompwhompwhomp); mainly because I’m still focusing on what he just told me.
I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you’re creepin’, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
- Mario Winans
That song immediately popped into my head as Spottie was spitting his nonsense.
You don’t want to know?!!! What kind of BS is that?
[I think I almost bust a blood vessel from being so incredulous about him being so love-drunk and oblivious]
You’re investing time, effort and energy into someone and you don’t want to know?!
If you find a condom in the house (and you’re allergic to latex), you don’t wanna know how that got there?
Ladies, what if you find some panties in the house that ain’t yours, you don’t wanna know?
I can see the scene now:
Girl: that nucca is always losing stuff… he'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to his head.
Wait a minute!!!! Nucca, whose panties are these?
Guy: I don’t know… they ain’t yours?!!!
Girl: Naw, nuh uh - I wear a 8 and these are a 4 - whose are these?!!
Guy: I told you I don't know!
Girl (thinking to self): Maybe they are mine...
Think about it – do you want to one day be blindsided by an admission of infidelity?
Yes, I f----d her… I f----d her… is that you want to hear, yes, I f----d her…but I make love to you…
I’ve heard stories of people getting caught red-handed, leaving their beaus with the “it wasn’t me” story.
Is it that hard out here for a pimp?
People, you are more than capable of landing someone that is focused on you, not you, me and her.
I don’t care she has some bomb-azz p***y or if he can lay pipe like a plumber… it’s not worth it if they are sharing their services with other consumers.
Tell me - I want to know – everything. Educate me… hell, let me know and then let me go so that I can roll in piece. Close your nose and open up your eyes and ears, I promise you’ll benefit in the long run. If you ever have to question your relationship or your partner's loyalty, then something just ain't right. Follow your instinct. Your intuition will guide you. There is a reason why you're feeling like this. Get out before the funk hits the fan and you're a part of Trapped in the Closet, Pt. 74: Hot Grits and Bacon Grease. Let me know if you're feelin' me or if I'm way off-base.
I'm out - see y’all on Monday…
