Saturday, May 29, 2010

Guest Blog: Casual Sex, Hooking Up, F()kc Buddies.

This post was written by the talented author, Shannon Boodram of She is definitely a treat to read so I know you'll enjoy it... hit her up with how you feel!

- Mr. Smart Guy

If it isn’t your boyfriend/ girlfriend and you are sexually active with someone, please feel free to choose one of the titles to describe your relations: Casual Sex, Hooking Up, F___ Buddies. Point blank dears it isn’t “complicated” or “different” it just simply is what it is.

This post is really in anticipation for Teen Vogue writer and author Rachel Simmons, who will be featured here in our first “Wild Girl Exposed” post within the next week. On her blog she wrote a very controversial post, “Why The Hookup Culture is Hurting Girls” The article sparked rebuttals from several blogs and a lengthy conversation from hundreds of women. So I figured we would continue things here, to see what your take on this is.

I genuinely have mixed feelings on the new sexual revolution where it’s okay to put the body first and feelings second. The story above (sorry guys I had to take this out for the repost) is something I wrote about a teenage sexual relationship that I had with an ex-boyfriend whom I desperately wanted to take me back. Knowing that I was giving up my body in hopes of getting someone else’s heart should make the scenario pretty clear to you so don’t feel bad for me because real talk I was on a big time dummy ride.
To anyone whom has ever read my book LAID, my feelings on no-strings-attached sex should not be a mystery to anyone. Most famously I described hooking up as the microwave burrito of sex – a quick fix to your hunger that often seems like a decent idea at the time but later has you questioning if you were really that damn hungry. But today I’ll avoid punchy one-liners to try to really get into the meat of this topic.
I think that for majority of people, casual sex without commitment is a bad idea BUT for the minority it can potentially deliver exactly what it promises: a quick fix with no mess. So how do you know if you are in the minority? Well dang, that’s the smartest question you’ve asked all day
If you go to France and you speak French, you’re experience is going to be that much richer. Sex is a planet and every kind of sexual experience is its own country. If you’re in to hookingup then you should know how to speak the language? Wanna learn some words right now?
No move it here

Circular please, like this

Stop, that hurts

Do you see any pedals on me? Slow down I’m not a damn bike

Pull here … push there … kiss this … don’t touch that … now let me hear you SAY MY NAME!!!

LOL you get the point I hope. If you’re sleeping with someone who does not know you super well, then unless you spell it out in Times Bold font, they’re not gonna know what works for you (even if you’re sending smoke signals with your signature I’m not happy look). Secondly, if you’re sexually active with someone who is not emotionally invested in you what makes you think they’re going to give two flying hoots what you want unless you’re vocal about it?

Casual sex almost has to be more honest than sex with a committed lover because you’re not supposed to be worrying about anyone else’s feelings other than your own.

Which brings me to my next point, if you go to a Latin club and you know how to chop it up the dancefloor with your salsa skills like nobody’s business, you’re gonna have more fun. Do your research folks. There is not much room for trial and error in the casual sex realm, so if you don’t know what you like going in I wouldn’t bank on being a guru on you’re way out.
See what I mean, it’s complicated even when it’s not supposed to be complicated. A hookup can be a positive experience when both people know exactly what they want and they know exactly how to explain their wants to one another. Because of the way the male body is manufactured I would say that a large percentage of guys are able to have a successful casual encounter simply because it seems pretty simple for them to “get theirs” (I don’t have a penis so don’t quote me on that). This is why, to my belief, casual sex should have a more extensive decision-making process if you are a woman.

Universally, sex has no guarantees but at the very least it is supposed to provide physical pleasure. This should be your primary motivation for no-strings sex. If you’re hoping for anything else then let me break something down for you… nowhere on your body does it say INSERT SOMETHING HERE FOR: love, acceptance, attention, popularity, cool points, cuddles, kisses or kicks. So if you’re engaging in casual sex to achieve the former then I’d say it’s okay as long as you proceed with caution. If you’re doing it in hopes of anything listed in the ladder STOP, DROP AND FLEE THE SCENE BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE.

That’s my word on hooking up. Now tell me:

Do you think sex should ever be regarded as a big deal: why/ why not?

What do you think the pros and cons of  casual sex are?

Is a positive sexual relationship the same thing as a positive hookup?

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