Thursday, May 27, 2010

Guest Post: Is Technology Killing Relationships?

Today's post is by a good friend of mine, Miss Opinionated. She is definitely dropping science on this one. Check it out.

- Mr. Smart Guy

Hello everyone - I hope all is good with you.

Lately, I’ve been having discussions with various people about technology in relationships. Specifically, the question I posed on Facebook was do people think that technology is enabling more people to cheat? Between sexting, the on-line dating/hook-up communities, Facebook accounts, etc., there seem to be a lot of people getting intimate. My personal feeling is that a cheater is a cheater. Had the cheater been born 20 years earlier, they would still find a means of stepping out on their relationship.

Then I had to think more in-depth about the question I posed. If the person sexting or conversing on the internet is not meeting up with anyone in person is it even cheating? What defines cheating? Is it strictly confined to physical contact or is the emotional exchange just as important? What about the guy or gal who is just sexting but doesn’t share emotional or personal details about themselves with their sexting partner; there is no physical or emotional connection, is that person cheating?

My gut feeling is Yes, Yes, Yes, all of it is cheating. A guy who visits a prostitute doesn’t have an emotional connection to her, yet he is still cheating. So why should the rules be different for a guy who gets off by reading dirty texts and emails from someone other than his girl. A couple that is waiting to have sex until marriage is still in a relationship. They are still sharing that deep emotional connection that people in committed relationships have. Based on that, it makes sense to me that there does exist a thing called emotional infidelity.

On the Facebook discussion, several people pointed out that there are different rules for different people. What’s being friendly for one person (such as kissing a friend on the cheek) can be unacceptable for another person. One couple may thoroughly enjoy swinging while another couple won’t even acknowledge that there are other attractive people in the room. What I have to say in response to that is Do what you do, it’s none of my business, but it is your significant other’s business. My personal rule when I am in a relationship is to behave with guy friends as if my boyfriend was standing there with me. Would my boyfriend have a fit if he saw me send this nude picture off to some guy on the internet? Would he have a problem if he knew that I never converse with him anymore because I share the highs and lows of my days with my chat buddy? Better yet, I ask myself if I would have a problem if my boyfriend was doing this activity with some other female.

To me, it’s not about him controlling me or me controlling him, it’s about respect. If you have to sneak around, lie, and hide evidence then you are probably up to no good. If you enjoy sexting and want that as part of your daily activities then you need to tell your significant other and hopefully that person can be apart of that with you. If you find that you are more free spirited than your prudish partner then some serious conversation needs to be had on the future of your relationship. What’s a relationship without trust and openness? What’s going to happen to your relationship when your partner finds out about all of the things you have been hiding from him or her? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life keeping your secret life from your significant other?

Thanks Mr. Smart Guy for letting me say my piece.

Ms. Opinionated
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