Monday, July 05, 2010

Guest Post: Put a Ring On It, 2.5: Why You Should STFU

Klkenned came up with a part 2 to her original post. Who am I to begrudge her the spotlight? Check it out when you get a chance. - Mr. Smart Guy

Dear Ladies

I said:
STFU. I think this is pretty self explanatory. There’s no science to shutting up. He’s not listening to you because if he had to listen to you every time you opened your mouth, he could NEVER DO ANYTHING ELSE. STFU.

And my readers said:
Particularly disgusting is the advice a woman sucking one's way to a wedding ring. This will not guarantee a thing except maybe some STDs in a highly visible area.
Keeping silent as a war tactic to deceive a guy will only lead him to not knowing who you really are, and it also demeans him to the role of an enemy... not the kind to avoid, but the kind to lay a trap for and feed off of like a parasite.
Way to go... Our nonstop war mentality has invaded our hearts and our bedrooms, and with the advice in this post, I see no peace.
- K.I.T.

her married man is probably creeping with one of the single women because he enjoys her conversation.... LOL!!!!!
- H.R.

Otherwise, it sounds like another bird-ass married bitch (and I do mean bitch) giving advice about somewhere people are different. Fuck her.
I’m tired of simple bitches like this author
- J.W., the only male who had something negative to “contribute”

Does she even love her husband?
- anonymous

I know plenty of women who follow these rules and get beat, cheated on, etc. So I'd like to respectfully FOH with this shit…
I am one of those women that don't STFU and decided to have a career…
I'm not one of those women willing to settle for some guy for the sake of having a ring on it. Much less some guy that thinks my place is to have his dick in my mouth and STFU. I'm good on that. I'm looking for a partner not a master…
- D.R.

I will not bother to address the head issue. Fact: If you do not give head, you are obsolete. Period. I don’t think there’s much to debate. If you think giving head is “disgusting” then you probably don’t have a very enjoyable sex life, married or not. And if you think that’s gross, you wanna hear something that’s REALLY gross? There is NO PART of my husband’s body I will NOT put in my mouth. Isn’t that disgusting? Ha ha!

Nor will I address concerns about the state of my marriage or being called a bird or a bitch because I understand that people feel comfortable under the relative guise of anonymity the internet provides to say the kind of shit that would, in real life, get you slapped. And that’s okay. I don’t do it, but I understand why others would. Moving on…

I would like to address STFU.

big, exacerbated huge,sigh

I abbreviated many of the comments to show you the most childish parts, but the gist of them go something like this:

WHO are YOU to tell ME that I need to STFU? I have earned (insert what they consider to be impressive credentials) and you are promoting (insert some misguided historical and/or misogynistic perspective here) and not only that but lemme tell you WHY I don’t get what you are really trying to tell me, BITCH.

First lemme say, ya mama’s a bitch...Yeah I said it.
Second, let me help you out.
False feminists kill me. You took one class in women’s studies in undergrad and now you can’t stand the idea that a man may think he’s better at you at something – ANYTHING. I hate to break it to you but guess what? Many of them ARE better than you at many things, and if that means hiring a male fireman who can carry my fat ass out of a burning building instead of a female who CAN’T (cause, as previously stated, I’m fat) then dammit, ladies, get in the unemployment line cause I’m not getting any thinner. But that point is neither here nor there because its.not.even.relevant. You brought up historical perspective on shit that doesn’t even need a historical perspective. STFU is something that applies to ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE.

ALL of them.

Some of you have taken to heart the fact that I was speaking to women in regard to men. “way to bring back antiquated perspectives. Way to set us back 100 years, BITCH.” You’re gonna get sick of calling me a bitch. . . Yet NONE OF YOU seemed to think shutting the fuck up was a bad idea when it came to the men. When I told guys to shut up, women were like, hell.yeah. Even those who were like, “fuck her.” I’m talking to YOU, J.W.. . . So why is that, you demanders of equal rights for women? WHERE was your historical perspective then? There was none. WHY? Cause it didn’t apply. Why didn’t it apply? Because it wasn’t relevant. I directed my first note to the ladies because I honestly believe we are the superior sex. My delivery wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine because a.) I’m not Oprah – I keeps it real and b.) I know we can do better. We are NOT the nagging, chicken head heauxs they make us out to be. Our contributions are just as valuable as any man’s, but aren’t recognized because we spend so much time talking about absolutely.nothing.

It’s a universally applicable and clearly (per receipt of my comments above) very rarely applied concept. I chose the romantic relationship aspect to which to apply it because that was the particular topic I chose to discuss. If I were talking about raising your kids, dealing with a problem with your best friends, or how to deal with your in-laws (whoops! You’d have to be married to have those – never mind), or how to land that promotion in the career for which you have chosen above fostering healthy relationships, the bullet STFU would STILL.BE.THERE…

So let me take a moment to explain WHY.

There are clearly, as demonstrated by the comments above, many people who have lead lives so unexamined and lacking in introspection that they cannot ever think of a time where they should have just STFU. There is not one debate, not one blog uncommented on, not ONE argument that could have been avoided if they had just chosen to NOT say anything at all. “STFU!? You mean there is a time where someone just gets sick of me expressing my thoughtless, biased, and often uneducated opinion?” YES. “What do you mean people get embarrassed when I come around or that people get physically ill at the sound of my voice?” YES!!! Those of you who think I am just making shit up, ASK your significant other. Ask him, ladies and my one male in opposition, if there was EVER a time where he wished you would just STFU. That one time you got put out of the restaurant for talking bad to your waitress? How about that time you called his sister a crackhead? No? Don’t think you shoulda shut up then?

You do. You can think of 100 times where you thought, I probably shouldn’t have said that. So WHY doesn’t that apply to the person who means the most to you? Why doesn’t that person make you want to please them? And why do you think pleasing that person means you have to stifle your very being or do something “disgusting” to them? IS your very being your ability to run your mouth incessantly? If shutting up means you now consider yourself to be “someone else,” or “being false” then you are clearly more about talking about it then being about it anyway, and my blog was for the doers, not the shit talkers. Don’t let your strong black womanhood get in the way of experiencing love as it should be, between two people who care enough about each other to compromise and make sacrifices. It’s not about you bowing down to anything. Its about knowing when battles are better fought with your mouth…or with your *mouth* (Ha! Get it?! It’s about shutting up AND giving head!) FYI, these questions are not meant to be answered in the comments section of this blog. You need to answer these questions for yourselves, blog haters.

So before you go making comments about shit you don’t know about, let me tell you a little about me:
My parents were married for 37 years before my father dropped dead on a tennis court on 05. My mother still considers herself to be married.
I have been married for 3 years now. We were together 2 years before we got married and before you go talking shit about our tenure together, lemme tell you that just because you’ve been together 10 years, doesn’t mean your relationship is awesome…and you STILL ain’t married.


And yes, I do believe in love at first sight, am a strong advocate of PDA, online and otherwise, and love a good foot massage…

I am married to a short, really cute, brown skinned alpha man who often gets mistaken for a Dominican cause he has straight hair. I think he’s the bee’s knees, and if you’ve ever met him, you do, too.
I had a baby at 19. I then went on to complete 3 degrees (1b, 2 m). This will be the ONLY TIME you will ever hear me say that because I hate people who constantly berate me with their rags to riches stories and fancy degrees. Fuck you, I got 3 of ‘em WITH a baby. Boo-ya.
As a result, I have a really sweet job where I get a lot of money, to do work that is not super hard, and I can wear whatever I want to work. Private sector rocks!
And if the above isn’t reason enough to get like me, here’s the piece de resistance:

Think that baby’s cute? Damn right she is, and she’s mine. You know what I miss about single motherhood? NOTHING. There is nothing glamorous about deciding to reproduce with someone who doesn’t love you or respect you enough to marry you or take care of his kids. Been there. Done that. Over it.
Four Words:
Get Like Me, Bitches. (Ha! WHO’S the bitch now?!)
And yes, you can follow me on twitter…that is, if I accept your follow request. 
*block game proper*
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