Let's skip the pleasantries and get down to it.
I was talking to a cousin on the phone the other day, and she was describing her new man which is actually a guy she has known for years but they finally realized they like each other (such a cliche movie, I know).
Anyways, she went down the list of great qualities:
* his single status
* looks
* style
* stable job
* no kids (I strongly advised her to do a background check to confirm that, as wrong as that may be)
She droned on and on about what a great guy he was, but she was perplexed as to why they haven't discussed marriage yet. It took me a second, but I quickly realized I hadn't asked a pertinent question.
Me: "Cuz, how long have you all been dating?"
Cuz: "Three months."
What ensued was a verbal onslaught the likes that have not been seen since Eddie Murphy performing Raw.
I was thoroughly incensed at this blatant disregard for the dating process, which I will get into the necessities of at another time, just because "I love him and I'm getting old" in her view (she's 28...). I lectured, cursed, and questioned her for the next 25 minutes over the absurdity of her statement. Whatever point I would bring up, she would always come back to the fact that she was ready to get married. When I asked her why she was ready to get married, her response was simply "Because I am".
After getting off the phone thoroughly frustrated, I eventually realized that this rationale is not her fault. Mostly, it's her mother's fault, her girlfriends fault, and to a lesser degree - society's fault. And before you say it, yes, I did blame the women, and no, men aren't at fault. Before you jump to conclusions, let me explain.
The problem is that she doesn't want marriage, she wants to get married. Meaning that she unconsciously is not looking forward to a long life with this man, but she is focused on the act of getting married. Specifically, she wants her dream wedding. Oh... you can picture it now, a beautiful summer day, 12 bridesmaids, the flowing white dress, 400 people in attendance, the 2 carat diamond princess cut solitaire, the sit down catered reception, the first dance, all just for her.
And this is where women fail in dating, and it's one of the major reasons the divorce rate is skyrocketing. Too much concern about the wedding day, not nearly enough concern about the next 6000 days and how to make the marriage work. So the question is why are women like this? Unfortunately, it starts early. Movies show the fairy tale wedding but never what happened after that. Their mothers are always asking "When are you getting married" instead of asking "When are you going to find a good man to spend the rest of your life with?" They see their girlfriends get married and want that day for themselves. Their friends lie to them about how great their marriage is when in fact it's more Ike and Tina then Barack and Michelle.
They are tired of seeing all the bridesmaid dresses in their closet.
Society looks at them and wonders what's wrong with them if they aren't married, which feeds into the insecurity and leads to a rush to get married, hence the dilemma my cousin now finds herself in.
We have failed our women. We have taught them that the wedding is the Super Bowl, the end all be all, the greatest experience in their lifetime, when in fact it is just the beginning of a longggg season, much more similar to NASCAR and the Daytona 500. I challenge you all from here on in, kill the talk about getting married and start asking about happiness and whether they are ready for marriage, which is a totally different question. Maybe we can stop some of these train wrecks before they start.
That's my take. What do you think? Did I miss something in this post?
BLH
