Friday, August 20, 2010

The Bootleg Hitch Chronicles, Vol. 2: This Is Not The Super Bowl, Dammit!

Ohhhhhhhhh I am back, and with a vengeance.

Let's skip the pleasantries and get down to it.

I was talking to a cousin on the phone the other day, and she was describing her new man which is actually a guy she has known for years but they finally realized they like each other (such a cliche movie, I know).

Anyways, she went down the list of great qualities:

* his single status
* looks
* style
* stable job
* no kids (I strongly advised her to do a background check to confirm that, as wrong as that may be)


She droned on and on about what a great guy he was, but she was perplexed as to why they haven't discussed marriage yet. It took me a second, but I quickly realized I hadn't asked a pertinent question.

Me: "Cuz, how long have you all been dating?"
Cuz: "Three months."

What ensued was a verbal onslaught the likes that have not been seen since Eddie Murphy performing Raw.



I was thoroughly incensed at this blatant disregard for the dating process, which I will get into the necessities of at another time, just because "I love him and I'm getting old" in her view (she's 28...). I lectured, cursed, and questioned her for the next 25 minutes over the absurdity of her statement. Whatever point I would bring up, she would always come back to the fact that she was ready to get married. When I asked her why she was ready to get married, her response was simply "Because I am".

After getting off the phone thoroughly frustrated, I eventually realized that this rationale is not her fault. Mostly, it's her mother's fault, her girlfriends fault, and to a lesser degree - society's fault. And before you say it, yes, I did blame the women, and no, men aren't at fault. Before you jump to conclusions, let me explain.

The problem is that she doesn't want marriage, she wants to get married. Meaning that she unconsciously is not looking forward to a long life with this man, but she is focused on the act of getting married. Specifically, she wants her dream wedding. Oh... you can picture it now, a beautiful summer day, 12 bridesmaids, the flowing white dress, 400 people in attendance, the 2 carat diamond princess cut solitaire, the sit down catered reception, the first dance, all just for her.




And this is where women fail in dating, and it's one of the major reasons the divorce rate is skyrocketing. Too much concern about the wedding day, not nearly enough concern about the next 6000 days and how to make the marriage work. So the question is why are women like this? Unfortunately, it starts early. Movies show the fairy tale wedding but never what happened after that. Their mothers are always asking "When are you getting married" instead of asking "When are you going to find a good man to spend the rest of your life with?" They see their girlfriends get married and want that day for themselves. Their friends lie to them about how great their marriage is when in fact it's more Ike and Tina then Barack and Michelle.




They are tired of seeing all the bridesmaid dresses in their closet.



Society looks at them and wonders what's wrong with them if they aren't married, which feeds into the insecurity and leads to a rush to get married, hence the dilemma my cousin now finds herself in.


We have failed our women. We have taught them that the wedding is the Super Bowl, the end all be all, the greatest experience in their lifetime, when in fact it is just the beginning of a longggg season, much more similar to NASCAR and the Daytona 500. I challenge you all from here on in, kill the talk about getting married and start asking about happiness and whether they are ready for marriage, which is a totally different question. Maybe we can stop some of these train wrecks before they start.

That's my take. What do you think? Did I miss something in this post?

BLH

Comments (6)

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Lol, I like your thinking. And I agree.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
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BootLeg Hitch · 768 weeks ago

Thank you and thank you...
-BLH
I am very annoyed about this. I for one was taught to never trust any man lol. So when I did find someone I was in love with I was able to match my teachings and come up with my own decisions. I will be with someone 10, 20 years before I marry. I'm am taking as much time as I need. It's only a piece of paper, and theres more to marriage then just saying "I do". A break up is nothing like a divorce and not nearly as difficult or heart wrenching. I rather a line up of boyfriends then husbands ,any day. To me that is out of the question. But its definitely their mother's fault. I wish I can blame someone else but its such a subconscious dilemma it's still hard to pin point who's exact fault it is. I think women are very lazy now a days, they only believe in working hard when it comes to their own welfare. But in terms of relationships with others (their girlfriends, boyfriends, and co workers) for some reason it seems like too much work for them to perfect.

It's all about working to build the right relationship, theres no marriage that will last based solely on great qualities, good looks, and an outstanding job. That actually sounds like a bachelor who's not looking to marry. I don't think women want to work with a man, to be honest it seems like too much work (it really is though). But if you value and honor the concept of marriage you should take the right paths if your not looking to divorce.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
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BootLeg Hitch · 768 weeks ago

Took the words right out my mouth...
-BLH
"We have failed our women"....ehhh, what about adult women using their brain and accepting responsibility for their own actions and beliefs? I am sure NONE of these women consult society when they go to lay down with the same man they expect to marry them so at what point are WE telling GROWN folks to be responsible for their OWN willful actions? I don't see many people writing about that...

Relationships have turned into the "blame game" and it sickens me. Most people are in a rush to tell others "I'm grown and I do what I want" but actually have the unmitigated gall to blame how their grown ass views things like this on the media or others. THIS is sad to me. Just because someone tells you something, that doesn't mean you have to believe it and make it a part of your life. Women who want a wedding this bad, apply media conditioning when they want to. They apply their own thinking when it suits them best.

I don't blame anyone but them. They can think for themselves any other time but when it comes to "the perfect life", they rely on someone elses thinking? I call bullshit. LOL
1 reply · active 766 weeks ago
I agree - I'm sure BLH would too...

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