Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Oh-No-No's.

*dusts off keyboard*
*cracks knuckles*
*does rigorous calisthenics*

What's good folks?
Seems I've been away for a while.

*begs for forgiveness*

I'm back now though!

*cue cheering*

Enough with the pleasantries, let's get down to business.

The other evening, I was catching on the shows I've missed on the DVR and I came across a recent episode of Parks and Recreation (AKA the funniest show on television right now). In it, Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) is currently dating Ann Perkins (Rashida Jones) and he finds out some unpleasant things about her that he didn't realize previous to the conception of their relationship.

Cue the clip below:

For those who can't see the clip (or those who just want me to hurry up and get to the point), Tom find out that Ann has committed an OHNONO, which is something that is grounds for dismissal in a relationship. While Tom's OHNONO's are hilarious, it got me to thinking about what would be OHNONO's in my relationship.

I'm a pretty open guy but I'd have to say the following things would be a cue for you to Get Gone (shout out to Ideal).

1. Poor hygiene.
If you smell like bathe in booty juice, chances are we won't last very long. Call me a stickler but the Eau de Outhouse is not pleasurable for me.

2. Facial hair.
If you look more like Rick Ross than Diana Ross, that's gonna be a problem for the kid. I can't have a woman who has more facial hair than me.

3. You've never seen Coming to America or you do not enjoy it immensely.
Smite yourself.

4. You don't immediately jump up and dance when Ain't My Type comes on.

Yes, I'm dancing right now to it.

5. If you don't let me watch sports, surf the Net or get on the 360.
I promise to let relinquish control of the remote (even for reality TV) all other days of the week if you don't bother me during MY time. If you do, curtains for you.

6. You talk bad to or about my mama.
Them is fighting words and I'm not cut out for the orange jumpsuit.

7. Not having a bank account (if you're over 25).
You're grown, act like it. Rush Cards are not the way to go.

8. Writing or texting in all caps.

9. Letting your friends or family control our love life.
This is between us, not Nika, Tay Tay or Jontynise. Just sayin'.

10. If you have no idea about current events.
If you have no idea about what's going on around you, how will you give any damns about us?

That's just a few of my OHNONOs - tell me some of yours or some that have been set for you.

That's my time.
- Mr. Smart Guy
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