Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Good morning, everyone. I hope you all are well. I'm maintaining - for the most part. It's raining like cats and dogs here (
that term never made much sense to me) and I spent the morning in wall-to-wall traffic avoiding dumb-ass people who can't keep control of their vehicles in regular conditions, let alone inclement weather. While moving erstwhile through this madness, I received a call from Zero K. My road dog is back from Japan - konnichiwa, bitches!

We conversed about some things, including the upcoming graduation for our alma mater (
which of course, made us feel terribly old - this was the freshman class that arrived the year after we graduated.) With that being said (and us being old), we did the one thing most people do when talking about the past; reminisced on our "glory days".

All of sudden, Zero laughs and says: You're caught up bad in that traffic like you were back - junior year...

Why did he have to bring that up? Sigh.

Let me first preface this; during those days, my crew and I were so head-strong, confident --- and plain old ig'nant - because some of the things that
we did bordered on pure and unadulterated stupidity.

My junior year of college, I tried to date several people at once. While this may seem normal to some, it was extremely out of the ordinary for me. For the longest time, I was in my serial monogamist mode - so for me to be with multiple indiviuals was very strange. I was still seeing my on-and-off ex-girlfriend of several years, RoundtheWayGirl, an
d talking other co-eds on the campus. After talking one night to my ex, we arranged a visit for her to come and see me for a couple of days.

After setting the plan in motion, I realized that I had several females vying for my attention during the same time of the visit. Everything was set.
I would entertain RoundtheWayGirl for a couple of days and set apart some quality time for the other girls once she left. I had to think of something that would allow me to not have to worry about any unexpected surprises in the meantime. There are certain things one has to know when practicing deception...

Rule #1: A Lie Will Always Come Back To Bite You In Your Ass.
I told Girl #1 [Midwest Swang] that I was sick and I couldn't spend time with for fear she might get infected.

I told Girl #2 [Southern Smoke] that I had several tests upcoming and I would be spending most of my time studying over the weekend.
I can't remember what I told Girl #3 - but it was some BS, too. All in all, it was all dumb - but it wouldn't much of a story if I was smart at the time - but I digress.

The days passed and RoundtheWayGirl arrived at the airport. Things were good. I took her to her room (I stayed in an all-male dorm, so she couldn't stay with me) to get settled and then we went spent some time together. We were having a good time and all was good - until...

Rule #2: Never Get Too Full of Yourself
While I was enjoying my time with RoundtheWayGirl,
I decided that she wasn't enough for me at the time - and I wanted more time with one of the other ladies. I created a situation that allowed me to leave RoundtheWayGirl in her hotel - and immediately rushed to see Southern Smoke. Bad mistake. Time sped through the day faster than a Taco Bell burrito through someone's digestive system. Next thing you know, I've been gone for several hours and my cell is ringing off the hook. Damn, homie - what were you thinking?

I rushed back to RoundtheWayGirl and began to profusely apologize for losing track of time and promised to make it up to her. We ended deciding to go to the mall to shop our troubles away. We jump into my beaten-up, piece of junk, waiting to be pimped by Xzibit ride and head off. All of sudden, the smell of something burning began wafting in the air and my engine starting making noises that an engine should ne
ver make. My friggin' engine has blown on the middle of the expressway.

Distraught, I have my car towed back to the dorm - and all the while,
RoundtheWayGirl is in my ear, telling me that she should have never come to see me. We go in the dorm, both scowling, and sign her into the book and proceed upstairs. This was beginning to take a turn for the worst but we only had a couple of hours left until her plane departed. It couldn't get any worse, could it?

Rule #3: Always expect the worst.
Right about that time, my phone started ringing several times and I refused to answer it. Immediately, RoundtheWayGirl got suspicious. Why didn't I pick up the phone? All of sudden, there were several knocks at my door. I looked out of the peephole and noticed several enraged women, demanding immediate
entrance. Why were these chicks outside your door, Jorge?

Apparently, Midwest Swing decided to bring me some soup (because I was ill - at the time it sounded good) and when she arrived at the dorm, she noticed that a female was signed under my name. Upon that revelation, she rushed back to her place, crying profusely. Her friends learned of this "indiscretion" against her - and vowed to avenge her honor - at my expense... now, this herd of estrogen is outside my door, waiting to snap me like a Slim Jim. Meanwhile, I'm wishing I was somewhere else other than this spot. RoundtheWayGirl is carving me up with her eyes, demanding to know what the
hell is going on and the chants are getting louder and louder. If I can recollect, I think a single tear dropped, symbolizing how alone I was about to be. I can hear Ron Isley singing this to me:

Go upstairs (Busted), Pack your bags (Cuz you busted), While you at it (Busted), Call a cab (Cuz you busted), It's obvious (Busted), You played around (Cuz you busted), Go upstairs and get your s--- and get the f--- up out of here now.

Needless to say, things didn't turn out well. Not only did I lose the two directly involved in the event, but everyone else on campus found out what
happened, including the other girls I was seeing. That ordeal taught me so many lessons:

1) Don't do that.
2) Don't do that - again.
3) Don't do that - again - ever.

Otherwise, you'll end up looking like this:
That's my time - stay out of the rain. Hit me up - let me know if you know of or heard of anyone (including yourself) that has been in that situation. See you Thursday!
- Jorge

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