I'm getting old.
I'm not quite sure when it happened - but I'm very sure that it did.
This morning, I woke up sore and tired after 8 hours of rest.
In undergrad, I once stayed up 72 hours straight, playing basketball, video games and downloading music... I only went to sleep because I finally got bored.
Among other things:
I'm starting to lose my memory.
I'm paranoid of going bald.
I clip coupons.
I feel myself preaching to everyone me (random ramblings about any and everything).
I even make noises like an old man when I bend over to pick stuff up.
That's so not cool.
What in the world has happened to me?
While arriving at this stark reality, I began to go back and see when things began to change. I soon realized that not only had things changed physically; they had changed mentally as well.
Here's what I found:
I overanalyze things.
I touched the stove to see if it was really hot.
I questioned the fact that fat meat was greasy.
I tried to find out on many occasions how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.
All ended in failure.
Canela told me: over-analyzation sometimes leads to complications.
Translation: stop thinking so hard because you can create trouble for yourself.
I'm not as smart as I think I am.
No, really - it's true - don't be alarmed.
I do not know everything and sometimes I make wild guesses and they actually turn out to be right. With that being said, Im definitely no dummy... my intuition is generally more accurate than an EPT. Save your #2's, I'm not the one to be tested.
I've always been like that.
Something has to move me, really drive me for me to really push myself. A lot of stuff has come naturally to me in life so I don't always exude the effort I need to the best. With that being said, even when I half-ass, it's still better than a lot of people's best.
I can't please everyone.
I just figured that one out. I sure did try, though.
My back is STILL hurting from trying to carry people.
I'm tired of being scared.
Scared of my future because I'm scarred from my past.
Scared of failure.
Scared of my neighbors' big ol' pitbull who seems to be fond of running up on me out of the blue.
People have been killed for less.
Go lock that damn dog up somewhere.
I'm ready to settle down.
I'm at the age where it seems all of my friends are married (or about to be) and starting families.
My brother has been married for 3+ years now and his tribe is proud and healthy. I am so proud of him and the things he has accomplished.
I want to be as a good of a parent as mine were to me. I yearn to be a father and not just Daddy...
I'm not quite sure of what my purpose is yet.
I'm 25; I have my health, a good job and most of my hair.
I have 2 degrees and no kids or diseases yet I still feel a void.. I don't want to be sitting at a desk or cubicle 15 years from you pondering the same questions I had 20 years prior. I want to be happy, not just content. I want to see the world, leave no stone unturned. I want to learn how to curse someone out in at least six different languages. I want to finish the novel I've been working on forever. I want something else other than the cookie-cutter lifestyle.
I'm actually coming to grips that I'm not that bad looking.
Quiet down, peanut gallery.
Things are a little different now although I am still that nerd... I just hide it better.
I have friends.
Not fairweather associates but true friends.
Friends who have seen the various sides of me and weren't scared away. I am thankful for each and everyday. They are appreciated more than they will ever know.
There is so much that I've left unsaid but I'm sure you're tired of reading this. I look back these years that I've spent on this earth and I am thankful for each and every experience that has shaped me into the sarcastic, creaky-jointed, forgetful person that types these words today. Sometimes you have to sit back and open up yourself - no matter the consequences.
Readers: I ask you today - what are you made of?