Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Bromantic Call.

I'm in a rut.

In my last entry, I spoke about another one of my homeboys jumping the broom, tying the knot, entering lifetime lockdown or whatever colloquialism you'd like to insert. While I am ecstatic about him and his new bride, I am a bit forlorn that I've lost another one of the crew from the ranks of kickin' it.

You know about the Kick It Ranks.
You don't?
Well, it's my duty to tell you about it.

The Kick It Ranks i.e. rollin' with the homies, usually involves 3 or more folks (generally of the same sex) going out and kickin' it.
Seem simple?
A bit... but honestly, it's a bit more complex than that.

You see, you can't just kick it with everyone. Like in science class, some things just don't mix well together as evidenced by my unfortunate accident of mixing Diet Pepsi and Mentos and even with the best intentions can blow up right in your face.

The problem lies that certain situations don't allow you to be as particular about your crew lest you be branded uppity or something of that nature as the social climate can be less dicey to handle in a pack as it is in a lone fashion. It can become a rather desperate situation.

I'm not the only one facing this predicament. My homie D told me this interesting story about this guy who has been trying to befriend him. It seems this dude met him through a mutual friend and found out that the two of them had mutual interests.

After running into each other at some events, they exchanged information with promises to hang out. Sounds innocent enough... but wait, there's more!

Not too long after that, he received a text that stated: "we should really hang, call up some females and have a good time."

Normally, that would be a welcome statement to any single, virile young male. I mean, who wouldn't want to socialize with some like minded folks and engage in some mild hunching while using your lips to savor the collarbone area good conversation. I know I'd be down in a heartbeat if that were me except for the fact I don't quite know you like that, patna.

Something ain't right in that wa-tuh.

Unfortunately, poor D didn't quite see those signs as astutely I did. He promised ol' boy that they would definitely kick it and somehow that turned into "lemme hit you up every opportunity I can, new friend..." on a regular basis. If D didn't return a text promptly, he'd get a "are you avoiding me?" message...

Insert The Arnold Jackson Side-Eye.


When did gaining friends become a courting process?!!!

Next thing you know, D is gonna get a message like: "you could at least reply, I just want you to talk to me!"

Real talk, I bet dude is in the house looking like this:

I can't front.

I value my friendships dearly and my boys know I hold them down but this ish right here... THIS ISH RIGHT HERE, SON... is more suspect than a line-up full of car thieves.

But for real, how does one gain a same sex friend without coming off like they want to sex that friend the same? Inquiring minds wanna know...

That's my two cents.

- Mr . Smart Guy.
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