Friday, July 08, 2011
“Why can’t I find a man that’s nice to me and treats me good? I’m tired of getting dogged out” -- (insert your homegirl’s name here that’s always saying this phrase)
While having a conversation with a friend of mine a while back, the subject of college dating patterns was discussed. After laughing & joking a good while on the amount of dumbassness that took place, we turned to the slightly more serious subject of how females responded to us. More specifically, he wondered why I seemed to get more of a response from women than he did even though we both were intelligent, good-looking, educated black men on a predominantly female campus. I’ll give you a peak to how this played out.
HIM: Man I just don’t get it, I didn’t cuss females out, didn’t dog ‘em, took ‘em out, let them borrow the car and everything. But I still never seemed to get girls like the rest of the crew.
ME: Yeah, you did all that.
HIM: But I mean, you embarrassed them in public, treated them like straw paper, and inevitably two more would come out the woodworks.
HIM: I don’t get that at all
ME: It’s cuz you were trying to save them. I was trying to slay them.
At this point, I had to point out his fatal flaw. For everything my boy had going for him, the one thing that always hindered his ability to be a devastating dating machine was lack of a mean streak. Simply put, he was too damn nice.
I hear women constantly say that they want a guy who is nice to them, who treats them good, who takes care of them. What men hear is that they want a nice guy. That is FALSE. That is not what she said. Go back and look at the sentence. She said she wants a guy who is nice to her, but she NEVER said she wanted a nice guy. See, men always complain and say “women always saying they want a nice guy”. Nope, fellas, I’m here to tell you that they never said that. Men having the attention span of a 3-year old on his first visit to Chuck E. Cheese caused us to interpret it that way, but it’s simply not the case.
Women want a guy with an edge. The kind of edge that causes a man to tell a woman, “If you put your finger in my face again, imma gut punch yo fool ass”. (**Disclaimer, the BLH does not advocate domestic violence. However, the threat of it must exist or they will habitually line-step**). It must be present in order for a woman to respect a man, or she will Riverdance all over his pride on a daily basis just because. I could name reasons all day as to why this is, but I always believe that the best explanation is the simplest.
See, at their core, women want to feel safe, protected if you will. Lil J.C. Watson III who only met black people through Jack and Jill just ain’t gon cut it. Leroy from the block? He’ll pop a cap in a fools arse because it’s Thursday. A woman wants to know…no, NEEDS to know, that her man is going to make certain the she is protected and not disrespected. I’ve almost fought a 10 year old because of an inappropriate comment he made to Mrs. Hitch. You say he was too young? I don’t care, he disrespected MY woman, and I makes no exceptions. If he was 6’3”, 210 lbs, then I was just gonna have to get whooped in that fight, but I can guarantee he would come out looking worse than he did when he went in. And let’s be real, a nice guy would have just laughed this off and kept it moving. And a small piece of his woman would have died because her man didn’t stand up for her.
So that old axiom “Nice guys finish last” is as true today as it was when you first heard it, because nice guys let bad boys disrespect them in front of their women. Nice guys watch their girl have a conversation in a bar with another man while he’s gone to buy drinks and don’t shake the hell out of her when they return. In short, nice guys, the really nice guys, inadvertently project weakness. And weakness is a complete no-no in dating and relationships.
Deuces, my good people….
Do women really want nice guys, or do they want bad boys who are nice to them?
Follow me on Twitter
The Bootleg Hitch Chronicles, Vol. VIII.: What Women Really Want, Pt. 2
Mr. Smart Guy